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The First Winter Gifting

Bella Dionne • Jan 05, 2019

A long time ago when the Gods were much less quiet (and far less kind) Zeus had an idea. You see, despite his ways, he still loved his wife very much and wanted her to be happy. After talking with Athena (the person he talked to first about most things) he decided that he was going to get Hera gifts. Many gifts. It started with things that she would like: clothing, jewelry, a new sword with a jagged edge, and so forth. However, he had the idea to also get her things for the many children he wanted to have with her and from there he assembled a gigantic pile of presents that could easily satisfy every man, woman, and child in the entire realm.

In order to do this in secret, Zeus did most of the work and assembled his horde all the way to the south in Thera in the hopes that Hera wouldn’t find out and spoil the surprise. However, as usual, Zeus underestimated Hera and her spies in Thera informed her what was happening, though they couldn’t tell her why Zeus was assembling this great collection. Hera assumed that some mortal had caught his eye (in her defense usually she would have been right) and hatched a plan. She would wait until he delivered the presents to his mortal and then confront them both for their treachery as her darling Hephaestus confronted Aphrodite and Ares.

And so it was, on the longest night of the year, that Zeus loaded the gigantic pile of presents into his chariot, summoned a great number of eagles to pull it, and in a flash was flying through the air towards Olympus. It was Artemis’ chariot actually, but he convinced her that he really was trying to mend his ways so she let him borrow it for the night.

It wasn’t long until he heard a piercing shriek behind him. He turned around and saw Hera in a chariot of her own, pulled by peacocks and slowly gaining on him. He couldn’t hear what she was saying but it was obvious to him that she was very angry, upset enough that she wouldn’t listen to anything he had to say. He realized that his only hope would be to make it back to Olympus where Artemis and Athena would hopefully be able to talk her down before things got very nasty.

With a great shout Zeus urged his eagles on faster and they responded immediately by moving as fast as the wind. Zeus smiled and turned around to confirm that he was gaining ground.

Unfortunately, he was not. Somehow Hera’s peacocks were faster than Zeus’ eagles. He suspected that she was fueling them with her fury.

As she got closer and closer, Zeus’ heart sank as he realized that he was carrying too much weight. The only way to make it back to Olympus would be to cut the gifts loose.

Now, you would expect that all those gifts would just sink like a stone and benefit no one, but Fate tends to take notice of the affairs of the Divine and this night was no different. The second that Zeus cut the cord with a thunderbolt all those gifts intended for Hera flew off into the night, exactly where they needed to be. Children got toys, farmers got new plows, and even the jagged edged sword sank, point down, in front of the house of a Spartan soldier.

When Zeus made it back to Olympus, he summoned Artemis and Athena so that they were ready to calm Hera down and explain that, for once, Zeus wasn’t up to something.

It was then that Hestia, who knows all that happens at any hearth, pointed out that Zeus and Hera together did something far more kind than they anticipated and advised them to listen to the mortals, who were all shouting with joy, “Praise to the King of the Gods and the Queen of Heaven.”

After laughing off the miscommunication Zeus and Hera decreed that this day should be celebrated with laughter, warmth, and the giving of little things to friends and loved ones, a custom that is observed until this day.

Happy Holidays!

Your Humble Scrivener,

James Jones

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