This is a write-up of a attendee's experience of the White Goddess Ritual performed by the ATC at Phoenix Fire Festival in Florida, March 22nd - 26th 2017. This ritual will be performed this weekend, April 1st, after the Green Man Day Event in Index, WA.

The ritual that really got me though was the White Goddess ritual, in which we lined up around circle and chanted/sang while the drummers went. And one by one we approached a lady who deeply invoked the White Goddess. I don't know if it was the energy, or the just the knowledge of what I was about to face but waiting in line was hard for me. I was nervous, and could barely contain myself. I kept trying to hold back tears I can't explain why they were there.

When it was my turn I went to the White Goddess. I didn't know what to say, I just knew I had to be myself so I said simply "Hi Goddess" and we embraced as she greeted me and I immediately started bawling. I couldn't stop. Luckily she did nearly all of the talking because I couldn't manage more than a couple of words

Bear in mind this was the first time I had cried in something like three years. That's incredibly rare for me, especially in front of others and I was SOBBING in front of something like a hundred people.

The first thing she told me hit me so hard. And not in a bad way at all. She said "Welcome home my sweet child" and the floodgates just poured open. Everything in me just opened up.

All I've ever wanted in my life was a home. More than success, than a career, a family, a lover, ANYTHING. When I was little I had a home, and it has always been my most cherished memories. At six years old my parents split up, my dad moved out and my mom's piece of shit boyfriend moved in and turned my life upside down. So when she said that it shook me to my core. I DID feel like I had finally come home. She told me all of these great things about myself, and she asked why had I denied myself for so long?

I started studying Wicca when I was twelve. I am nearly 28 years old now. And for the longest time I have wanted a coven, a community who shared similar beliefs. I've wanted that connection with the goddess and I've wanted to finally be me. But I just didn't. I made excuses of why I couldn't have that. I've told myself I didn't deserve these things.

And I choked out "I don't know, I don't know why I would ever do that" and clutched her tight while she held me and wrapped her hand around the back of my head, and whispered in my ear. She told me I was perfect, that she gave me everything I needed and has filled me with her power. All I need to do is grasp it and never think I'm not worthy, to never think I'm not good enough or don't deserve the things I that I want. And then she let me go and asked what she can do for me.

We were supposed to come to her with a question, I think a request. I had thought about and there was only one thing I could think worth her time, so I asked how I could better follow her and my path. She laughed, I could hear her smile and embraced me again, saying "Aw my sweet child. You're doing great just make the time for me and for it, that's all" and I said okay. And that I loved her, and thank you (as best as I could through my sniffling). She said she loves me and I left.

Someone was waiting past her to receive me, and I went to them. They held their arms out and my first thought was "No, no more hugs," then quickly changed. "No, I'm not going to turn down someone on a hug" and I hugged her tight and realized I needed that, too. I kept bursting into tears the rest of that night and halfway through the night and through the next day. I just couldn't stop because it shook me all of the way through, it was such a profound experience. And I could feel so much of those fears and past issues, that longing for home and all of that time bottling up my desires unknot and fade away.

And that was the most profound spiritual experience of my entire life.