In Wicca, first degrees are not at liberty to counsel. As a first degree, one is charged with learning the path. This can be frustrating for priests and priestesses in training as you are bright shining lights, with enthusiasm to help others. People are drawn to you because this is the energy you are expressing. For many, it is near impossible to decline what the individual in need is requesting of them. Providing counsel can almost feel like a compulsion, the feeling is so strong. Let’s ask questions and consider the situation from what you can do to help others.

What am I supposed to be learning as a first degree on the topic of counseling?

This is the time that you listen and incorporate these lessons for yourself. Look at your life and see if you are applying the topics you hear your High Priest or High Priestess discuss. Listen while your HP/HPs gives counsel to others in whatever form is their preferred method of counseling. Notice the advice given to your fellow initiates, strangers on tarot calls, words of wisdom offered over the phone. Listen as your HP/HPs processes an issue and how they seek to best address it. You are given leave to be present during these times. They haven’t forgotten you are present. They recognize that this is a learning opportunity for you. Honor that opportunity and remember to keep confidence with your silence when these treasured moments are offered.

How do I help those in need at this point in my training when they come to me for counseling?

Just as with any new skill we learn, we must focus and apply discipline to our actions. During this time, you are learning the foundation of counseling. The foundation of counseling is creating a safe space for individuals to be vulnerable with their issue. You create this space by being willing to listen, by making eye contact, listening with focus, and repeating back what you have heard. Sometimes you use the individual’s exact words because that is their reality and they will know you are listening to them. Sometimes, you summarize what they are telling you to weed out less pertinent details, ending with a question so they can agree or help you have better understanding by clarifying. In professional counseling, these terms are called building rapport, active listening, reflective listening and summarizing.

As Priest/Priestess, you are learning that sometimes the greatest and most healing gift is to listen. In our world of egos and wanting to get our say, often persons do not feel heard. It is imperative that a Priest/Priestess learn to hear the words being said as well as what is not being said. While you learn to listen, you also learn to attend the person’s energy. You are tapping into your intuition and listening to what your guides or deity is telling you about the situation. If you are focused on what you are going to say, you miss all of that.

In Wicca, we believe that each individual is a co-creator of their reality. If given space to work out their issues, many times they will heal themselves. Clergy or counselors do not heal others, we create the space for individuals to heal themselves. And when you can do that for another person, you have empowered them. That empowerment is a gift that is without value and will serve them in other aspects of their lives.

Please note the pot hole in the road! The advice “I just told them what I have done in a similar circumstance” is still considered outside the bounds. In many ways that is worse that offering counsel. You have made the conversation about you and taken the focus from the individual and their issue. In simple terms, that is an ego move and to be avoided.

Why is it done this way?

We encourage you to ask questions and to understand the reasoning behind things whenever possible. So, we offer this explanation: you do not know what you do not know. When it is time, your supervising HP/HPs will deem you ready to counsel others. They will offer guidance and provide a safety net for you and the person being counseled. Eventually, you learn when to speak and when to be silent. Only with wisdom and confidence are you able to separate your understanding and perceptions from the individuals. This takes time. Your elders have determined that this is the best policy for your growth and the safety of the community.

When your academic training puts you at odds with your first degree strictures, communicate with your supervising HP/HPs to seek clarification as each student’s path is individual. Remember, being in initiatory training is a time for focus on yourself. You are, possibly for the first time in a long time, not responsible for helping others. Mastering the discipline of being able to hold space and witness someone’s pain without interfering in their lesson is imperative. Without it, you cannot progress to the next level.

Blessings on your path. Learning the path is not easy, but is rewarding when you are willing to trust and apply what is being offered to you.

Stacia Schmidt (aka AnaStacia Sylvester) is the High Priestess of Covenant of WISE, a third degree in the WISE Tradition, and a licensed therapist with a Masters in Social Work. She is an instructor at the Woolston-Steel Theological Seminary.